i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
