Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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