After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
