he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
