physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
