I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
