Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
