Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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