I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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