I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
