I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let's get the cat blown out
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
