I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize