Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize