a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish i was in the wii world.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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