well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
