my vag is so smooth its legendary
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
