I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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