So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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