Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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