The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
