He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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