Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize