I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
