she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
