why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize