I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Holy sore nipples Batman
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
