Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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