I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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