his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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