All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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