My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
