i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
