Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
