last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
