Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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