Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
