I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
