I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
