We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
