i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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