dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
