we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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