She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
