Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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