yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
