I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
