Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
