So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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