Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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