i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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