Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
