I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hippo gnu deer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
