Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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