Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
