i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize