somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
