Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
