So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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