Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
