Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
