I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
