omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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