I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
