Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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