3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
