Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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